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Wednesday, May 21, 2014

Distracted By Facebook Again. Why? Oh why Facebook?

I sat down to write last night. Yay me. Yay to my husband who offered to get the kids ready for bed. But, as often happens when I sit down to write and fail to turn the Internet off – I found myself getting distracted. I just had to google this or that important bit of information and before I knew it I was typing that little F word into the address line.

You know what I’m talking about. It’s likely what brought you here today. Facebook. Ahh, Facebook. That time suck we love to hate. Some days I am ready to give it up. But then who would read my blogs? How would I know when people had babies, went to Disney, got married, got divorced?? How would I know what celebrity died? Or had a baby, went to Disney, got married or got a divorce? So, instead of quitting Facebook, I’ll just post this “Facebook rant blog.”

I just don’t understand what we are doing on Facebook! Why we are spending so much of our precious time here? Why? Why Facebook users? Why?

Why do you feel the need to post every single article in existence on one subject? (And why do I click like even if I haven’t read the article!?)
We get it: You don’t vaccinate your children; you hate common core; Kraft foods is the new Phillip Morris; you love Jesus; guns are bad; you want to save all animals, plastic causes cancer.

Why do you share the same picture of a woman in old fashioned clothing slumped over her sofa with a different witty saying? (And why do I like it every time!?)
We get it: You hate doing laundry; you wish you had wine; your children don’t listen to you; your husband is an idiot; you love coffee.

Why do I need to see a picture of you with a plunging neckline hanging over someone different every time you have a “Girls Night Out”?
We get it: You look hot when you’re not wearing mom jeans; you are cool; you know how to have a good time; you have lots of friends.

Why do I need to see a picture of every purchase you make? Your house? Your vacation home? Your car? Your kid's 10th American Girl doll?
We get it: You have a job, you have money, you like to buy nice things.

Why is it you ONLY post on Facebook when you go on exotic vacations?
We get it: You are better than the rest of us daily Facebook hacks but we should still be jealous of your family vacation to Hawaii, or the Greek Islands, or Disney for the umpteenth time this year.

Why do I need to know every single time-suck you partake in?
We get it: You play Candy Crush, Words with Friends, and Farmville: you have the personality similar to Princess Ariel, a farmer, a person from the 1960s and an Irish sailor; you write a witty blog; you really want to win organic food for a year, a Disney cruise, or a trip to Legoland.

Why do I need to hear how much you love your bestie, your boyfriend, your husband, or your kids?
We get it: You know how to appreciate the people you love. But seriously, you are going to be hating on them tomorrow so why waste my time today?

And, finally, why do you need to post things just to make other people feel bad?
We get it: You are organized, you are crafty, you bake pretty cupcakes, you never yell at your kids while the rest of us saps suck at all those things.

And I suck because I do some or all of the above things too. I get it. But really I’m just trying to make you laugh while venting ;) Have a fabulous Facebook day!

Oh, and here is my "we get it: you are a great mom, you do stuff with your kids" selfie:


2 comments:

  1. LOVE! LMBO :)!! I will add four of my personal favs to your list.... 1. You post every time you go to the gym or work out - We get it, you are a work out queen and we are lazy couch potatoes. 2. You post cryptic status updates that don't tell us the whole story like "So annoyed..." or "I could cry..." or "People are assholes." - We get it, you need massive attention and are baiting us to ask "Oh, what happened??!! Are you okay?!?" 3. You vent about hating people who do this, or cutting people out of your lives who do that, or tell everyone you are deleting facebook friends because you can't take this, that or the other thing." We get it, you have anger issues and a few toxic relationships. We don't care... it's facebook, not therapy. Or lastly 4. when people write a long, emotional diatribe about something that's like three paragraphs long (with the exception of a serious illness or death in the family) - We don't care, it's a status update, not a diary.

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    1. Good ones! Soooo many I could go on forever....

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