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Wednesday, February 18, 2015

I Am (clearly) No Jesus Christ

Today marks the start of Lent and for many Christians it means giving up some vice or making some sort of sacrifice in honor of Jesus' 40 days of fasting in the desert. I have to admit that even as a Catholic Elementary student, I don't think I ever made it the full 40 days of giving up anything.

If I were out fasting in the desert and the devil himself appeared before me and offered me food -- I think I would last about one second before I said, "Hell, yes, I'll take that rock-turned-bread!"

I am (clearly) no Jesus Christ!

I mean, I set a goal and about 10 seconds later I am making an excuse why I couldn't possibly get it done. Jesus let himself get hung on a cross! I think I'd be like: "Ummm, Father, I know I said I'd do this but I don't think this is even going to work. These people don't care if I die and come back again. Heck, half the time they don't even understand what I mean when I say I'm coming back...How about I cure another leper or something... They like when I do that..."

I am an excuse maven!

I put off laundry until the drawers are empty.
I need to have a guest en route before I clean my house thoroughly.
I have to have every surface area covered before I organize my papers.
The bathrooms need to look like rest stop restrooms before I clean them.
The stomach bug must be in full force before I disinfect anything.
The buttons on my pants must burst before I cut calories.
Spring must be around the corner before I'll hit the gym.
I can work on a short story for two solid weeks but when it's time to submit it, I fall asleep.
I write an entire novel, then decide I hate the story because it's too cliche.

And so on.

This year, I decided to give the whole giving something up for Lent thing a try. My biggest vice, of course, is the mindless time I spend on Facebook. So, it's only logical I give up Facebook. Since I know I have the willpower of an ant (assuming an ant has very little willpower), I am deactivating my account for the rest of Lent.

Gasp. But how will I get my news? I am keeping my Twitter account (I am no Jesus after all).

Double gasp. But how will you follow my blog? Follow me on Twitter: @excusesbyjulie 
Be sure to like my author page: www.facebook.com/JAChamberlain 
You can also follow by adding my blog (www.365excusesbyJulie.com) to your Blogger reading list.

I'll see you on Facebook after Easter! In the meantime, I'll be busy revising/rewriting my novel (I said I was going to do that, didn't I?) and jumping on the "nutritional cleanse" bandwagon (spring is right around the corner, isn't it?). I'm sure I will be finding excuses to post here in between.

Until then, my mantra:

Tuesday, February 10, 2015

38 (or so) Reasons Why I NEED To Be A Professional Writer

  1. I have to do something productive with the voices in my head.
  2. Or go insane.
  3. I like to observe human nature.
  4. I’d rather not be a creepy eavesdropper.
  5. I like to work in my pajamas.
  6. And drink lots of coffee.
  7. Nobody wants to hear the things I think.
  8. The things in my head translate way better on paper (well, sometimes).
  9. I’m too practical to be an amateur daydreamer.
  10. I’m too impractical for 9 to 5 work.
  11. I can’t be bothered with keeping track of insignificant things like what time it is.
  12. It’s a more pleasant alternative to housework.
  13. My kids already think I am a writer.
  14. And want to read the things I have written.
  15. I want them to know that if you work hard enough, dreams can come true.
  16. And nothing is impossible.
  17. I am tired of making apologies and excuses for wanting to be a writer.
  18. I have stories to tell.
  19. I want my name on published stories, not half written computer files or bunched up papers in a drawer.
  20. I want someone to read something I’ve written and say “Wow!” 
  21. I want something I’ve written to resonate in someone’s head somewhere.
  22. I don’t want to do anything else ever again.
  23. Otherwise, I will have failed.
  24. Failure is not an option.
  25. The only place I am good at lying, is on paper.
  26. I enjoy being completely honest about something that is 100% fabricated.
  27. Writing is fun (most of the time).
  28. I like to entertain people.
  29. It’s fulfilling and rewarding when I hit a difficult patch and push through it.
  30. Sometimes I can be quite good at it.
  31. Most of the time I suck, but proud for doing it anyway.
  32. It takes way longer to perfect one sentence than I ever imagined possible, but the after-glow of finally writing the perfect sentence can last days (and maybe longer if that sentence were to echo in someone else’s head -- see numbers 20 & 21).
  33. As a writer, I am always learning, growing, evolving.
  34. I can’t possibly DO all the things I dream, but my characters can.
  35. I am sick of being the person that talks about being a writer but has nothing to show for it.
  36. Actually, I don’t talk about it much (just blog about it) – but would like to.
  37. Unless someone pays me, I’ll feel like a fraud.
  38. I need validation.

I'd rather sit at my computer all day wrestling with one sentence while wearing my PJs, coffee cup in hand, than do anything else (like do something with that bucket that's been sitting back there for a couple of days now).

Yay! I found 38 reasons why I need to be a writer, that trumps the 36 reasons why I won't be a writer. You can read those reasons here.

Oh, wait, it doesn't end there! I just thought of bonus reason number 39 -- I would like the excuse "She's a writer" to cover every weird/antisocial/ditsy thing I do.